Party in Hufflepuff House
by BiGDeal
Summary: What would happen if Harry's foster family actually got their acts together, and everyone decided to keep Dumbledore out of the loop as well as getting the Bones and Longbottom families into the act. Rated M in advance due to language, humour and situational violence.
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries ar definitely mature in outlook.

 _ **-Imagine who I bumped into last night -**_

"Psst!" went the quite rotund boy sitting next to her at the "kiddies" table parked in a far corner of the conference center cum dining hall cum Meet-and-greet-the Prime-Minister fund-raising thousand-pounds-a-plate dinner for the Conservative party in Crawley.

She clamped her hands on her shaking knees and looked at the boy again as he leaned over a bit and went "psst!"

"I can hear you quite clearly."

"Then why are you shaking like a leaf? I swear that the cutlery and glassware on the table is shaking and knocking along with you… Say, you aren't one of 'them', are you?" he stage whispered after glancing around to see if anyone was paying them any attention.

"'Them'? Who do you mean by 'them'?"

His shoulders slumped. "You are, and your, um, stuff is leaking all over because you're nervous and trying to squish it down. Even the lights are starting to flicker. Relax, and yes, I know all about it and things leaking when you get excited, or frightened, or mad, or really happy, like you getting your 'letter'. You have got your letter?"

She looked at him sharply and the rattling settled down to a quiver that still threatened to burst out like a late summer storm. "I did but how did you know about it?" she stage-whispered back.

The boy smiled and blushed. "Well, it's my cousin who's living with me and my parents. Used to happen a lot and was supposed to be kept secret. Well, Mum and Da finally figured things out and took action. When the dust settled, we all started to get along. No more secrets."

She looked at him again. "Sounds like you've got some secrets."

"Yeah, but not the ones that you are probably thinking. Anyway, you seem to have stopped. Wanna tell me what set you off?"

She snickered. "My parents to me to stay her, be quiet and don't cause a scene. I tried so hard, that, well, Mama calls it getting my knickers in a twist."

The boy smiled. "Well, glad to be of assistance. Name's Dudley. Dudley Dursley. Glad to meet you!"

She smiled back "I'm Hermione Granger. You can call me Hermie. Wanna be my friend?"

Both snickered, drawing glances from the surrounding tables as they shook their hands.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

As a general comment, this got started as a plot bunny but appears to have grown lots of legs. Does that make it a plot-centipede?

 _ **-Fancy that I ran into you -**_

During the desert course, Dudley looked at Hermione and saw her focused on something in front of them.

"What's up?" he whispered.

She frowned at something in the middle distance. "That waiter. The one that's back-on to us and serving the table over there." She did a quick point with her spoon in the direction. Dudley looked and focused on the waiting staff.

"The one with the scruffy shirt, shirttail hanging out a bit as if something is tucked up under the shirt and stuck in his belt. Oh shit! It's a pistol! Could it be an undercover bodyguard?"

Hermione shook her head. "Don't think so, as he just walked in and started serving but not really serving anyone, just getting pitchers of water and working his way across the room. I don't see anyone else who even looks anything like you imagine an undercover officer would look like. What do we do?"

Dudley looked around. "Never a police officer around when you need one." He smirked at Hermione. "I know what my cousin would do but do you think you have that much courage and can you use your , uh, abilities on demand?"

Hermione looked at Dudley. "I'm not sure if I'm reading your expression, but it looks like you have a plan."

Dudley looked at her and nodded. "Have you ever tried to force an episode of accidental you-know?"

Hermione slowly went "yeah… but could you tell me where you're going with this and why."

Dudley snickered. "Most people look at me and think Big Fat Dofus. Well, they're right on two of the three words. I'm actually pretty smart, just lazy. When we got the family straightened out, I found that my cousin was reading all these books. His mother's school books and notes. Well, I got bored so I grabbed one when he wasn't looking and started reading it. One thing led to another, and both of us were reading away and commenting back and forth when Mama and Auntie Ami walked in and saw what we were reading. Nuclear melt-down from both of them. My cousin got it from Auntie Ami for letting me read the books, and I got it from Mama for reading what I should not have. That's when they realized what the other was saying, and then went off at each other. My cousin and I finally got them to calm down and we managed to get them to declare a truce. I now know what my cousin is going to be learning and how hard it is, and he now has someone who understands what it's like to be looking in from the outside."

"Anyways, you need to concentrate on pushing yourself down deep inside yourself and think about two sets of words and what the mean. 'Accacio pistol' and 'Incarcerous'. When you say the first, point at the waiter and imagine the pistol in his belt flying out and coming straight to you."

Hermione poked a finger in the air. "I suck at anything physical. I suck at catch. I suck at rounders. Heck, I suck at Frisbee."

Dudley grinned, "Well I do and I'll catch the pistol. When I have the pistol, you need to do the same again but now imagine the waiter wrapped in ropes and chains from the shoulders all the way down to his ankles, all pulled tight so he has no wiggle room."

Hermione nodded. "By-the-by, how do you know how to cast spells, are you, you know, one of 'us'?"

Dudley shook his head. "Nope! Just like my Mama and her sister. Sister could and Mama can't, just like my cousin and me. It's like the old phrase: those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. However, the two of us have gotten into trouble a couple times, so I know what it takes to do 'it'."

"So," she went. "I push deep down inside myself and try to make the accidental feeling come about. Right?"

Dudley nodded. "Better start trying it now. If you can't do it, we'll head for the kitchen and hope that there's a police officer out there."

Hermione nodded and concentrated. The cutlery and glassware on the table started to quiver and tinkle, and her hair started to fan out and become frizzy. "OK, I'm barely holding it in, what do we do?"

Dudley stood up and reached out for her left hand. "Follow me and when I squeeze your hand, let it rip with 'Accacio pistol' and no practice saying the words, not even thinking them."

Hermione snickered and then cracked some wind, then stood up and let Dudley pull her along out into the floor, shifting to get a clear line on the waiter in question.

Dudley squeezed her hand and Hermione pointed her other hand at the waiter. "Accacio pistol!" she shouted and the back of the waiter's shirt and pants exploded as the pistol flew in their direction. Dudley reached out and snagged the pistol and fell over with it clutched to his chest. He groaned out "incarcerous!"

Hermione again pushed down deep in herself and pointed her right hand again at the waiter. "Incarcerous!" and imagined the waiter wrapped with ropes big enough to dock a ship with.

The resulting silence was broken by shouts from the various members of the security detail scrambling to perform the duties, while everyone else turned and started at the two young people and the bound waiter now face-planted on the floor beside a table.

Hermione slowly lowered her hand and looked at Dudley. "What's the next step in your brilliant plan?"

Dudley grinned. "Didn't get that far, but don't move suddenly. I don't think that the police are going to stop and ask questions. Better raise your hands." He then dropped the pistol in front of him, sat up and raised his hands, while Hermione duplicated his gesture.

 _ **\- Two hours later -**_

"Well, it's another nice mess that you've gotten us into, Stanley" went the voice from behind them. Hermione squeeked and Dudley turned around and groaned. "Good evening, Mad-Eye."

The gentleman in question grunted and then fixed his highly-mobile eye firmly on Hermione. "And who is the young lady that you managed to shanghai into your latest adventure. And who said that you could call me that? It's Detective Sargant Moody to you!"

"I….I…I'm Hermione Granger, and I spotted the waiter and the gun first. Dudley here came up with the plan when we couldn't see a police officer around to report it to."

DS Moody grinned at her. "A bit of a spitfire, too! You're right, anyone who could be spotted as a police officer wouldn't be working here tonight. I'll give you the point for that. Dursely, where's your cousin? I expected to see him here, not her."

Dudley nodded. "He's at home. Da only got three tickets for tonight so we tossed a coin to see who'd be going, and I lost, which is why I'm here. Hermione here was going all twitchy and accidental-like when I helped her relax. That's when she spotted the waiter with the gun and we tried to find a police officer. We couldn't and he was getting closer to the head table and the Prime Minister, so we had to do something."

DS Moody sniffed. "So you, on the fly and a single shot with no training, taught her how to do wandless magic, and properly cast not one but two senior year spells. Do you also know how much trouble you two are in?"

Dudley flinched, copied by Hermione. "Not as much as if the waiter had shot the Prime Minister."

Moody snagged a chair, spun it backwards and then sat down and grinned at them. "Righto, lad, righto. Ten points for execution, but you two are definitely in a pile of trouble. Do you know how many people saw what you did, plus the number of cameras that were recording the event? We're going to be all night chasing down every copy and memory and making things right. This is the biggest violation of the Statute of Secrecy in almost a century, and you and your cousin were up to your necks in creating the violation that's a close second, and third and fourth. Shall I continue? I'm sure that you and your cousin have got the Top Ten thoroughly covered."

Dudley looked at Hermione's shocked expression. "It's OK, Hermione. We're both minors, so they can't break our wands and bind our magic, especially with my cousin being who he is. We're getting the 'stern lecture' approach this time."

Hermione was almost in tears. "Does this mean that I can't go to school next year?"

Moody leaned back and howled with laughter. "Oh, Gods Above! No, lassie. It means that they will be sure that you're packed off as that is the only place that probably can hold you. Too bad, we can't ship off Dursley here, but we'll be shed of his cousin, or at least for the school year. However, you are going to have to face the music tonight, as here come your respective parents to collect you. However, you aren't going to be leaving, at least not yet. The Head of the DMLE wants a few words with you."

Hermione looked at Dudley as his should sank. "What? You know the Head of the DMLE, and what is the DMLE?"

"Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and it's Auntie Ami….."

The arrival of the parents was interrupted by the arrival of "Auntie Ami", accompanied by the Prime Minister, John Major, who was having an animated conversation with her. Everyone stood up, with Dudley and Hermione standing with their respective parents.

"Ah, here are the young people that I owe a thank you for their very spectacular rescue" went John Major as he did a quick bow and then shook Dudley's and Hermione's hands. "As Madame Bones has informed me, while you are deserving of medals, the Statute of Secrecy prevents me from even mentioning the event, let alone being able to reward you. However, you do have my heartfelt thanks for your speedy if inventive rescue. Madame Bones, what is the excuse that we are using for this one?"

"Ah, yes, Prime Minister. I think that there was a gas explosion in the air conditioning unit due to an electrical short caused by an unknown electrical short." Her eyes rolled across the ceiling and then fixed on the two youths. "Nothing about spells or fantastical flying pistols or ropes, right?"

Both youths rapidly nodded and thanked the Prime Minister for his thanks, if undeserved.

He laughed. "I will try to see if there is a form of low-keyed recognition that can be arranged that won't violate the Statute or the Minister for Magic. Some public service award, maybe one of the Prince's community service awards. I'll raise the question when I next meet Her Majesty. She'll know of a suitable category."

A bodyguard behind him gently coughed, and the Prime Minister looked at his watch. "Ah, the calls of duty. Again, thank you very much." He turned and walked away while waving to them, with Madame Bones staying behind.

Dudley bumped Hermione and whispered "have you gone to Daigon Alley for your school supplies yet?"

Hermione's head whipped around as her brain tried to re-engage. "No, we were planning to do it mid-week the week before we had to go."

"Not enough time," he replied. "auntie Ami, Mama, Da. Can we invite the Grangers along tomorrow? They haven't been to Daigon Alley before and you know how bad it can get, especially for people who've never been there before."

"Meaning Hermione needs a quick introduction into what to do and not do, what to say and not say, and not to get targeted as a muggleborn. Right?"

Dudley nodded.

Madame Bones looked at the Dursleys and got quick nods from them. "All right. Mister and Missus Granger, would you be willing to accompany us while we go to Daigon Alley tomorrow? We have to get some banking done for Dudley's cousin and it'll be a chance to meet some of the other first-year students. I don't want you to get over-whelmed by all this but it's going to be easier with some of us along. Especially, Mad-Eye here coming along to ride herd on everyone, especially the pranksters."

"What! How did I get roped into this?"

"Protection detail. I'm watching the parents and the kids. You're watching everyone else. Remember: Constant Vigilence!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Constant Vigilence."

None of the Grangers understood why everyone else was laughing.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries ar definitely mature in outlook.

I welcome comments and suggestions, even polite discussions on a variety of topics. However, one thing that I will not abide is anonymous trolling or nasty comments, which will be deleted. If you do not have the courtesy to log in before posting your review, then don't complain when it gets expunged. BTW, I like large and/or obscure words as I have been introduced to Webster's Dictionary and Roget's Thesaurus at an early age.

 _ **-**_ _ **If I knew you were comin' I'd 've baked a cake**_ _ **-**_

"I'm sorry, but I still can't help almost laughing when the street name is said."

"Well, it's probably like that street in Aurora that we visited last year in Aurora, the one that you said was Forest but spelled by a dyslexic lisper! Or it could be just them putting a posh tone on the name. Like on Keeping Up Appearances, you know, 'The Bouquet Residence, lady of the house speaking, yes it's spelled B-U-C-K-E-T but is pronounced Bouquet…..'"

Hermione looked up from her book and pointed out the window, "there's Number 4 HOWEVER_THEY_PRONOUNCE_IT. There's a big road coach parked just before the driveway. Oh and there's Detective-Sargant Moody…."

The person in question took a deep draw on his cigarette, dropped in on the curb and then kicked it into the rain-catchment there, and then nodded to them as the slightly beat-up Land Rover eased into the driveway and beside the car parked there.

Hermione looked around. "I wonder where everyone else is…. "

The back door opened and Moody stuck his head in. "Everyone else is here, so it's good timing on your part."

"Did you read my mind or something?" went Hermione.

"Lip-reading, little spitfire, does a copper good to be able to read lips through windows and such. Never know when you're going to stumble unto a crime."

Hermione's expression definitely showed that she didn't like being identified as a spitfire. As Moody stepped back and opened the passenger-side front door, he nodded toward the coach. "They decided to make things easy on everyone and ordered the 'normal' version of the Day Bus. It's a two-hour drive into London and the entrance to Diagon Alley. Gives everyone time to meet everyone else and get to know everyone."

Wendell Granger nodded and had exited the Land Rover and gone over to look over the other car parked in the drive, not noticing when Vernon Dursely came out and watched his car being admired.

"1977 Triumph Stag. Don't see very many of them on the road nowadays.," Wendell smiled up at Vernon.

Vernon looked over at the Land Rover. "1953 Safari Edition, definitely don't see many of them. I had you figured for a more modern version."

"You'd be right but Old Betsy hasn't been out on the road for a long time, and I wasn't too sure about how much space was on the drive. Speaking of which, I had you pegged for a Mercedes Benz salon. What's the story?"

"Well, I had one in my younger and lighter days and spotted this in a very obscure paper when I was going through Devon last year. Village rag for this small hamlet named Ottery St. Catchpole. Talked to the owner, got a price agreed to and then came back the next day with the cash. Only when I got home did I find that it wasn't original."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, owner had made all sorts of modifications to it, all fixed the on-going problems like the water pump, shocks and such. Plus whatever he'd done had the leather staying in perfect condition, same for the paint and the roof, and the fuel tank never empties. Yeah, one of THEM," flicking a thumb in Moody's general direction. "Problem is, I like the car and don't mind the modifications but should I report it as a violation of the Statute? I mean, he could have sold that to anyone!"

"Well, what did Madam Bones say to that question?"

"What question?" went a commanding voice from behind them. Both men jumped and turned.

Auntie Ami smiled and looked at the car. "I recognize this car. Previous owner is Weasley, right?"

Vernon's head nodded.

"Well, two ways this could go. If you complain, then I'll have to drag Weasley on the carpet at the Ministry and then have the Unspeakables fix the fixes. Or, if you want to let it slide, I'll record the presence of the car and flag it for recovery when you no longer can or want to drive it. May buy it myself…."

She smiled and headed over to talk to Hermione and Monica as Petunia came out and joined everyone.

Vernon looked over at Wendell. "Don't know if we've dodged a bullet or we've been handed the pistol and told 'do it yourself' or we're now on the other side of the fence and the rules operate differently over here and they decided that I'm a grown adult and can actually be trusted to make a mature decision."

Wendell covered his snicker with his hand and then quietly asked, "and your decision is?"

"What Amelia failed to mention and I haven't so far is that I've found out that the car can fly, like Disney's Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Well, not like in the movie but close. I'm going to quietly ask for a full list of the 'added features' for the car and see if I can limit them to just the ones to preserve the car. Give me an added incentive to lose more weight to reduce stresses on the car frame and shocks."

Wendell nodded sagely and notices the other adults coming out of the house as well as the accompanying yougsters, including the young lad responsible for their being part of the the trip.

Verson looked over and saw the others. "Looks like we're getting the show on the road. Let me get my coat and lock the door and we'll get going."

 _ **Five minutes later and ten miles down the road...**_

"Good afternon, everyone, and welcome to the Day Bus, as opposed to the Knight Bus. I am you host, Stan Shunpike, and your driver is Ernie Prang. Since Ern has to concentrate on driving this bus and not attracting attention of other drivers and the local constables, I will be acting as your steward and provinding you with sandwiches and beverages as needed. Ern, you might want to back off a bit on the lead foot technique, we just passed an ambulance with its lights going. Just joking, folks!"

The bus did slow down to match the surrounding traffic, accomapnied by grumbling from the voodoo shrunken head hanging from the rearview mirror.

Hermione shifted back into her seat, then looked at the adults settling in and introducing themselves.

Dudley's head and shoulders popped over the seatback in front of her. "Hey, Hermione! Things were a bit crazy with everyone getting on the bus. Let me introduce the others."

Hermione felt a massive wave of shyness start to overwhelm her and fought it down, then nodded.

"OK, the blonde with the long plait across from you is Susan Bones. She's a orphan like my cousin and her Aunt Amelia is her guardian." The young lady in question gave Dudley a cross look and then smiled at Hermione.

"The other blonde on the seat is her bosum buddy and life-long friend, Hannah Abbott. Don't let her make you think that she's not smart. She's just as sharpt as everyone else going to Hogwarts this year. She's her own worst enemy."

"Hey!" came the voice of the other occupant of the bench seat, who then smiled at Her. "Dud's right, I am my own worst enemy, but I can hold my own against everyone else here."

Dudley nodded. "Right you are, Hannah. Anyway, the guy sitting in front of them is Neville Longbottom, who's supposed to have the hart of a Viking beating in his chest, somewhere."

That remark sparked the young man in question to run aound and glare at Dudley and then give him a 'stinky eye' gesture.

Dudley smirked. "Annnnnddd... this fine strapping young man is my shy, retiring cousin, Harald Evansson" while dragging him up by the closest arm until he was kneeling on the seat and facing Hermione.

His appearance took Hermione's breath. Blonde, fair-skinned, absolutely faultless hair and skin. She found herself feeling even more shy, and now feeling herself blushing absolutely furiously.

Harald started blushing almost as much and looked at the others. "I told you all that this was too pretty to be believbable, and would make me absolutely stand out."

Susan Bones snickered and tghe shiftged over to sit beside Hermione. "Oh, come off it. You must admit that it is effective. No one would recognize you as being you."

Harald sighed and nodded, then froze as he cought sight of something in Hermione's bag. Reaching down, he pulled out a book and looked hard at the fanciful iamge on the cover. "Hermione, could you tell me where you got this? I thought that this was your first visit to the Wizarding World."

Hermione started as her brain finally engaged and she focused on the book. "Mum bought it for me last week when she went shopping at the County Mall in Crawley. She got it in W. H. Smith Books in the Queen's Square."

"The non-magical side, right?" went Susan, picking the bookm from Haralad's fingers and starting to flip through the book.

"I don't know if there is a magical or non-magical side to Crawley. It's just home," said Hermione as she plucked the book from Susan's hands and clutched the book to her chest, blushing furiously. "Why the interest in this book and where it came from. After all, it's just fiction, isn't it?"

The othr exchanged a shared look and then stored at Harald, who blushed adn looked very uncomfortable.

"Well, it's like this. We know that those books are fictional, but they are based upon a real person."

"Yes, Harold Potter, the one they all The Boy Who Lived. But why are you so twitchy about Harry Potter. It'snot like he's here, ins't he?"

Dudley looked at his cousin then back at Hermione. "Actually, I'd like to tell you but... but...I can't. None of us can."

Hermione's mind tackled the random facts and drew a coclusion, then shifted gears and said the first thing that she thought of. "You mean that you all ahve taken an Unbreakable Vow on where Harry Potter is? Like in the book. Well, I'll take the Vow. How does it go. 'I swear on my blood, life and magic that I will no divulge where Harry Potter is or who his friends are.'"

Holding up her forefinger as if she was holding a wand, she intoned. "'So mote it be! Lumos!'"

The tip of her finger light up as if there was a light bulb on it, drawing everyone's attention before the wave of magic swept the bus and then rebouded back to her. "Nox!" she went and the fingertip light disappeared.

She then noticed that everyone at the front of the bus were now standaing and looking at them, or rather her, and she flet a tickle at the edge of her nostril and touched her finger tip to the tickle and then lifted her hand into her vision, seeing a spot of blood on the fingertip which had so recently been light up.

She then looked at Dudley, Harald, Neville, Susan and Hannah, and each of them had a spot of blood at their nostrils as well.

Her brain fully engagedand she looked at Mad-eye. Her lips moved and she mouthed at him, "Now, it's three senior-year spells, DS Moody."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries ar definitely mature in outlook.

One of the things that I've been doing in my other stories, and is done by a lot of the people that I've been reading, is to point you, my readers, to other authors or stories that I've enjoyed. Today's contribution is the author CLELL65619 and "Harry Potter and the Invincible TechnoMage" plus two of his compentiums of one-offs and drabbles ("The Boneyard" and "Thrilling Tales of The Downright Unusual".)

 _ **-**_ _ **Another fine mess you've gotten us into**_ _ **-**_

Her brain fully engaged and she looked at Mad-eye. Her lips moved and she mouthed at him, "Now, it's three senior-year spells, DS Moody."

Moody looked at her and the rest of the youngsters under his protection, and sighed. "Well, Harald, looks like she's taken the Vow. Might as well tell her what she's signed on for."

Harald nodded then took a quick look at the other youngsters, who nodded back. Sighing, he reached over the top of the seat and reached down and gently pulled the book from her arms. He looked at the picture of Harry Potter on the cover and then looked at her.

"Hermione, are you a fan-girl? I mean, if you bump into Harry Potter, are you going to completely loose yourself?"

Hermione looked at the tissue in her hands, spotted with the drop of blood from her nose, then looked at Harald, and nodded and smiled. "Fan-girl? Well, maybe not that extreme that I'd wet myself squealing and jumping up and down, but I did have visions of romantic evening, dinners and dances. Dances especially, since I really can't dance if my life depended upon it."

"Me too," went Harald. He tapped the picture of Harry. "Have to admit it, that's a really good likeness. Though they did really over-emphasize the scar."

Hermione figured that somethng wasn't making sense."Sorry, but I don't understand."

Harald looked at her and softly said, "Harald Evansson isn't real, not that way that Hermione Granger, Dudley Dursley and everyone else is. You see, Harald is Dudley's cousin. That's real but Dudley's cousin is Harry Potter, who is Petunia Dursley's sister, Lily Evan's, son. Add a Nodic twist and ..."

Herione snickered. "Yes, I now see it. Harald is Lily Evans' son. Lily Evans who married James Potter, and had a son Harold James Potter. That's what the Unbreakable Vow protects?"

Harry nodded. "My appearance is thanks to Polyjuice, courtesy of Nymphadora Tonks's deft hand in securing hair samples and aging or youthening it to generate a face that bears no resenblance to the Potter genes. On the outside only. Everything else is actually Harry, all by himself."

"And how does Harald or rather Harry see me? Am I some sort of game or joke to you or all of you?"

Harry shook his head. "No, definitely not a game or a prank, but just being careful. There are people with a great deal of power, politically and magically, who take a lot of interest in me and my life and in forcing me to live accoring to their requirements. Everyone that you see here is aware of that and are going counter to the desires and wishes of those people. Crap! Sounds like you're getting involved in a spy or murder mystery and a second rate one at that."

Hermione smiled. "Funny that you should say that. Does that mean that I need a secret identity and code name? If no one's claimed it, I'm Agent 99."

Harry groaned. "Don't tell me that you're a TV spy fan-girl..."

Hermione pulled a straight face and intoned, "I am a TV spy fan-girl."

Harry pulled a face and looked at her through his bangs. "I told you not to tell me that...", he whined.

Hermione leaned forward and poked him in the chest. "Sounds like you're one too, fan-boy!"

Harold leered back at her. "And loving it!"

The two as well as Dudley started snickering while almost everyone else looked gob-smacked. The threesome caught everyone else's expression and the snickers wound up cascading into full-blown belly laughs.

They finally settled down, and Hermione looked between Harry and Dudley. "So. Which one of you is Agent 86 and which other agent is Dudley? And who is Heimie?"

"Would you believe Agent 13 and Mad Eye Moody?"

"Hey!" went Neville and Susan. "what are we, chopped liver?"

The three spy-fans all blushed and mumbled apologies.

Hermione firmed her exopression and addressed everyone around her. "Actually, this is my first Harry Potter book. Some of my classmates are totally fan-girls, eagerly awaiting tghe next book, which seems to come out every second or third month. Since I'm going to be going to Hogwarts this year, and Harry is going to be in the same year, I decided to see what its all about, Strange to say, this book has told me more about Wizarding Britain than I've been able to find elsewhere, and I'm willing to bet that half of whagt is written is no relationship to reality."

The Dowager Longbottom started snickering and stuffing her handkerchief into her mough, while Madame Bones sat down and heled her sides as she bellowed with laughter, while Moody looked at the pair in an aggravated manner.

Susan and Hannah looked at each other and nudged each other in a bid to determine who was going to make the "official" reaction. Hannah apparently won or was it lost the engagement and leaned over the top of the seat. "Would you believe that it's all true?"

Hermione felt the world shift and focussed on Harald (or Harry), "All true?" she whispered and saw both Harry and Dudley nodding, with Mister and Mrs. Dursely behind them, nodding as well.

Harry turned to Neville. "Say, Nev. You're always getting caught reading these books? Do they describe Wizarding Britain correctly?"

Neville took a hard look at Harmione's still-chest-clutched copy and nodded. "Actually, that one is pretty accurate. Wizards can be crazy is how the dress, act or believe. Trust me, Hermione, that one is pretty tame. You'll see for yourself when we reach Diagon Alley."

Dudley raised a finger. "Hey, DETECTIVE-SARGEANT Moody! What about that crossdressing wizard you busted last month when you were bar-hopping? Would you call that normal wizarding attire?"

Moody's roving wizarding eye snapped into position and focussed on Dudley. "I thought that I told you never to repeat that story, young man!"

Dudley gulped and then leaned over towards Hermione. "Mad-Eye's a bit sensitive over that one. Constant Vigelence here lost it completely when she dropped HIS glamour as Moody's birthday surprise."

Moody glared at Dudley even more. "And who hired the 'female performer' for the birthday party? My money's on the pair of you putting the flea in someone's ear..."

Harry snickered, "And we two took an Unbreakable Oath to never reveal who it was..."

Moody's shoulders slumped.

Dowager Longbottom clamped Moody's shoulder. "Might as well put you out of your misery, Big Boy!"

Moody looked at her and shook his head. "Don't tell me that it was you."

The Dowager smirked. "Sorry to break your bubble, but I thought that it was such a great idea, that I put up the money to hire him, or rather, her. But I wasn't the one who knew where to find him." The Dowager's line of sight drifted from Moody to Madame Bones, who did the traditional posing of hand-over-heart while going wide-eyed and mouthing "Who, me?"

Moody squinted at Madame Bones and then sighed. "Well and truly pranked, ladies."

\- Two hours later, Fortesque's in Diagon Alley. -

Heermione rattled the spoon around the bottom of the sundae glass, scraping for the last of the hand-made ice cream and sundae, then sat back and looked at Harald.

"So, tell me, why are we here with the school materials list but all of our respective parents and guardians are now somewhere inside of Gringott's, planning who-knows-what with my life. What exactly are they doing and why are you here with everyone else?"

"Magical guardianship. Turns out that without you having a magical guardian or a similar arrangement, that role devolves unto the Headmaster of Hogwarts."

Hermione nodded. "Makes the decisions related to my magical education."

Harald raised a finger and pointed at Neville, who went to the "who, me?" expression and then cleared his throat, closed his eyes and then looked at Hermione, "and has access to your vaults and can move funds around as required, including his own vaults."

"But he wouldn't do what you're implying, that would be illegal..."

"On the non-magical side of things. Not here, plus it would be disguised as 'bill payments' and go through vaults not directly connected to him but also under his control." Neville looked at Harald and then at Susan.

Susan nodded and then looked at Hermione. "Yeah, fortunately, Har-Harald's Aunt and Uncle went storming into the DMLE offices and everyone started putting two-and-two together and getting fifteen, which resulted in a trip to Gringott's and looking at THEIR unsealed copy of Harald's parents will, and then looked at the valuts and the bootks and fifteen became a hundred-fift, and everything with Dumbledore's 'touch' all over everything. Which resulted in the Longbottoms being brought into our happy little conspiracy. Since, everyone seems to be OK with you, the adults are figuring out the best way of protecting your assets before you get to Hogwarts and officially under Dumbledore's control. Oh, by the way, you have enough funds from your Pince of Wales Trust to be of interest to Dumbledore."

Hermione looked askance at everyone and then leaned forward. "Well, then why hasn't anyone stopped his 'withdrawls' and busted his ass for fraud, conspiracy or whatever?"

Hannah leaned. "Lack of solid evidence, and too many moves between Harald's family and trust vaults and wherever Dumbledore's stashed all of the galleons for even the goblins to put claims on them. What everyone is doing is to get you out and your galleons out of his clutches and not let the cat out of the bag, or at least until he tries something and runs smack into the stone wall. At that point, all of Harald's funds and valults get sealed and the goblins can start the proceedings to reclaim as much of the mis-appropriated funds and property as they can identify."

Harald nodded and looked angry for a moment. "Which explains why I'm here. I'd lose my cool, get really angry and the accidental magic would spark off. Speaking of which. Mext item on the list is getting our wands. Susan, you got the camera so take lots of pictures, and someone else will cover your first wand's antics."

Neville looked down. "Gran always said that my Da's wand would work for me, and it does!" he said almost angrily. The crockery started to rattle.

A slight cough came from behind Neville, and he jumped and then turned around. "Oh, hello, Neville, Susan, Hannah. Neville, are you going to introcue me to everyone?"

Neville turned red. "Hello. H-huh-how much did you hear?"

"Not a lot, just your favourite line about you and your father's wand and probably Aunt Augusta's usual line about it being good enough for you."

Hermione's curiosity kicked in and she blurted out "I'm sorry but Aunt Augusta?"

The newly-arrived young lady studiously ignored her and looked at Neville.

"Hermione, you just broke another rule on this side of things. Never ask questions of someone that you haven't been introduced to, or say anything to them."

Hermione glared at Neville then at the young lady, then back at Neville and sighed. "Sorry Neville."

Neville sighed, and then stood and faced the young lady. "My apologies, Heir Greengrass. Please, let me introduce everyone. You've already met Heir Bones and Miss Abbott. May I present Mister Dudley Dursley, Mister Harald Evansson, and Miss Hermione Granger. Everyone may I present Heir Presumptive Daphne Greengrass."

As each person was named, they rose and gave a short bow at the mentone of their names, though Hermione's rise and bow were a bit stilted.

"My apologies, Heir Greengrass."

"Accepted, Miss Granger. While our houses are not directrly related, there are family connections, sufficient that I could refer to Dowager Longbottom as Aunt Augusta since childhood, something that she has graciously allowed me."

Harald coughed and nudged Dudley over to make room beside Susan and then dragged in a nearby unoccupied chair. "Please. Sit. It's obvious that you've recently acquired a wand. Maybe you can shed light in why Neville is so set on this, MIss ?"

The lady in question sat in the proferred chair. "Daphne. Dahpne Greengrass. Aunt Augusta is of the opinion that Neville can use his father's wand. An opinion that Neville apparently agrees with. Popular opinion, as expressed by Mater Wandmaker Ollivander, is that the wand chooses the wizard or witch, and that, while others can use your wand, it is not easy to do so, requiring more effort on the part of a wizard."

Harald leaned forward. "Then, everyone, our next location has been decided. Ollivander's Wandshop. No one's in it at the moment, as everyone seems to ahve decided that as their first location, based on the order of things in the Hogwart's letter that we'd all received. I'll leave a note for our parents and guardians in case we're not back before they get out of Gringott's. Before anyone starts talking about not having enough money, my trust valut does and you can pay me back later. OK?"

Heads nodded and chairs got pushed back while Harald went inside to leave a note for the adults. When he got back, he found that their group had Daphne Greengrass attached.

His crooked eyebrow had Daphne holding up her hand which had a henna mark on the back. "Tracking charm. My parents can easily located me and I can alert them if I'm in danger or trouble and need a rescue. However, if you would rather that I not accompany you, I will not feel slighted."

Harald made a quick survey of everyone and got no negativ reactions with the exception of Neville, who looked away and shrugged. Extending his elbow in her direction. "well, since you've decided to join us, I might as well be your companion. That is, if you don't mind or would you prefer Neville?"

"It's nice to see a gentleman in action, and I won't impose on dear cousin Neville." Placing her hand on the Henna mark, she intoned. "Accompanying Neville Longbottom, Susan Bones and friends. On our way to Ollivanders." Looking at Hermione's raised eyebrow, she noooded and replied to the silent question. "Includes a communication charm so that I can update my parents as to where I am if they do need to locate me."

With that, they headed across the Alleyand headed down to the far end where Ollivander's shop was located.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

A shoutout to the first reviewer of this tale: Arnie1701 . I've started plowing through his story "Harry Potter and The Marriage(s) of a Lifetime", which adds a complete twist to the canon story on the birth of the Potter twins: Harry James and Hermione Jean.

I apologize if I get spelling and names wrong, especially Japanese ones, and generally write from gestalt (look that up in your dictionary) so things may get muddled.

I also encourage reviews and discussion of points, even suggestions of plot elements. However, I really ask that you post your review after logging in so that I can reply to you. The use of "guest" reviews (even if you put in your login id) will generally get tossed in the digital garbage bin. I've been trolled one too many times.

 _ **-**_ _ **Another fine mess you've gotten us into**_ _ **-**_

Garrick Ollivander was in the back stock room shifting the unsold wands around for easier access when the front door bell rang, and rang again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. A long pause ensued with chuckles ang giggles. Definitely no adults in the crowd, and this could be bad or very good. Stepping through the bead curtain, he encountered six unknown young people checking out the stock and samples on display, and one young lady that had been through earlier in the day.

He coughed and then started. "Good morning, Heir Greengrass. I hope that you did not loose your wand or worse yet, broke it within hours of acquiring it. Mayhap some wand and broom polish?"

The young lady in question jumped almost guitily and then grasped her brand-new wand holster (" aspen and dragon heartstrings, twelve and a half inches long, and surprisingly pliable" went his eidetiuc memory of wands and their owners).

"No, Master Ollivander. This group is here for their wands, though one, young Heir Longbottom, has a differing opinion and bears his father's wand."

Ollivander focussed on the young man in question. "Ah,H eir Longbottom, your father was an Auror and had a strong wand. Oned that was specifically charmed so taht no one other than him could use it. Would you mind my taking a look at it?"

Neville shook his head, and then responded. "No, Master Ollivander, though I any my grandmother, the Dowager Longbottom, are of the opinion htat my being able to use his wand is a sign of it accepting me and I do not require a wand. However, you may take a look at it and verify which side of the argument should rule." He then pulled his wand from the Auror's holster and proferred it on his open palm to the wandmaster.

Ollivander accepted the wand, and gently bent and swished the wand, checking its flexibility and balance, and then closely examining the grip, carvings and wear. "Ah, a fine wand, in top condition, with all Auror fittings and charms present and I ask you to do a swish and snap and should see a shower of sparks?"

Neville retrieved the wand from Ollivander and did the asked-for gesture, resulting a wand grudgingly sending out a small shower that more resembled a cat tossing up a hairball.

Ollivander grunted and looked at Neville, might I ask you to give Miss Greengrass your wand, and she can try the same gesture and maybe a little bit of magic, just going for the same shower. Miss Greengrass, you may get a reaction to the gesture. Limiting your magical input will keep it below the level where the Auror's protective spells will react."

Daphne very gently took Neville's wans and tenatively waved it around a bit, expecting a very nagitive reaction. What she got was a snap and spark from the want, plus a shock to her hand. Smacking the wand down on the counter, she glared at Ollivander. "Don't anyone dare laugh! That was not funny. Master Ollivander, how could you?"

"My apolgies, Miss Greengrass, but I did need to confirm that the Auror's protective spells were in place for someone who did not have a connection to young Neville here or the wand. Now, one last test, could you hand your wand to Neville and Neville, can you try the same swish and snap that your had done before."

Daphne handed over her want to Neville with a glare that threatened dire repercussions if her wand wand damaged in the slightest.

Neville's swish and snap were very restrained, obviously expecting the same reaction as had happened to Daphne. What happened was a gout of pale sparks but no real amount of energy or colour or brightness. Neville immediately place the wand in front of Daphne, who grabbed it and then did her own swish-and-snap, resulting in a massive gout of technicolour sparks and what appeared to be butterflies, before she tucked her wand away with an embarassed expression. Everyone else stood around with gob-smacked but silent expressions.

Ollivander coughed, gathering everyone else's attention. "Now, I can definitely say that your father's wand has accepted your control but not with its full loyalty. When you do cast spells, you have to really 'push' as people call it to get the sprell to work, or it goes woefully wrong. Right, young Neville?"

Neville nodded, fearing the worst. "Let me try a new wand for you, but one very similar to your father's but without the Auror's protections on it. Since, I've handled your father's wand, we won't have to go through all the measurements as Miss Greengrass did. Now give me a minute while I collect some wands for you to try."

With that, he disppeared behind the bead curtain to re-appear with a bundle of wands that he spread across the counter.

"Now, Young Longbottom. I want you to slowly pass your had across the counter, jsut aboe the wands and try to 'push" with your magic as if trying to do the swish-and-snap and get your fountain of sparks."

Neville slowly moved his hand across the series of wands, a look of concentration on this face. He suddenly stopped, looked at the wands and then moved his hand back and then slowly ahead, then stopped and pciked up a wand, the waved it in the swich-and-snap. THis time, he got a fountain of bright sparks, ranging from red to green. A slow smile spread across his face.

Ollivander reached out and took the wand from Neville, then pciked up his ather's and and balanced them in his hands, then handed the old wand back to Neville, who repeated the gesture again, getting a better fountain but with the feeling that the wand was being more accepting but definitley grudgingly.

Ollivander reached under the counter and rummaged around and then pulled up a feather, which he placed on the counter-top.

"One last task for you to do, young Longbottom. First, try it with your father's wand, then with the new one. The spell is 'wingardium leviosa' and the motin is as follows: sweep and swoosh while saying the words."

Neville practiced the motions and mimed the words until Ollivander nodded and then stepped back. Nevillle lifted his father's wand and then performed the spell. The feather slowsly shifted and then lifted into the air, coming to a stop about a foot above the counter, hesitated and then drifted back down to the counter.

Neville smiled at Ollivander. "Yes, your first official spell and well doneith a sudden father's wand on the far end of the counter, picked up the new acquisition, then slid the feather back to its original poisition, and then repeated the spell. The feather leaped a foot into the air and hovered, quivering. With a SNAP! the feather disappeared.

Everyone was gob-smacked until Daphne tapped Neville's shoulder and pointed tgo tghe ceiling over his head. There, embedded into the wooden beam over the counter, was the feather, quill embedded into the beam up to the start of the feathers.

Dudley slid up beside Neville and stage-whispered as everyone stared at the feather embedded in theceiling. "I think that you might have over-powered that just a bit."

Closing note: Sorry about the short chapter but I hit a natural breaking point and am not sure how long it will take me to grind out the next section.

 _ **Comments and suggestions are always welcomed, but make sure that you are logged in when posting it.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

An apology to everyone expecting regular updates. First excuse is that I generally work in spurts and usually for just one story. The second excuse is tha I am curently on vacation, and seem to have a massive case of writer's block whenever I pick up my laptop and want to do some grinding out. May be the location of vbeing surrounded by everyone wanting my time or me not being on the laptop.

I also encourage reviews and discussion of points, even suggestions of plot elements. However, I really ask that you post your review after logging in so that I can reply to you. The use of "guest" reviews (even if you put in your login id) will generally get tossed in the digital garbage bin. I've been trolled one too many times.

 _ **\- Well, another school year off to a start - -**_

Hermione Granger pushed her cart with her trunk and bookbag ahead of her as she approached the pillar labelled "Platform 9 and 3/4s", stopped and looked at her parents. "Are you sure that you don't want to come on the platform with me and see me off?"

Dan and Emma looked a bit forlorne. Dan spoke up. "We can try but you heard everyone else. No non-magical has come through unto the platform."

"Well," went Hermione. "Nothing in any of the books says anything about preventing people accompanying magicals from getting thropugh. Wanna give it a try? Just grab on beside me and we;'ll find out!"

Dan and Emma grabbed the handrail beside Hermione. "Let's go. No matter what, it'll be spectacular," went Emma. "One, two, Three!"

They pushed off, heading for the mark on the pillar that indicated failed attempts at getting unto the platform. Just before they reached the point, all three closed their eyes.

The cart hit the lip of the envisioned ramp and surged upwards, and the light changed over them, going from the industrial lighting of the entrace hall to the sun-dappled lighting of an old-fashioned train platform. The impression was further expanded when a steam whistle cam from the far end of the platform. The Grangers stopped and opened their eyes and looked around in wonder, taking in the old-fashioned carriages with students leaning out and conversing with their friends, parents and siblings loitering on the platform. A further long whistle came from the red-painted locomotive at the end of the train, and a nearby conductor looked at his watch and bellowed above the szurrounding noise: "Ten minutes! Ten minutes for the Hogwarts Special! All students ar to be boarded and luggage put away in the next five minutes!"

Putting his watch away, he turned and spotted the Grangers. Doffing his hat to everyone, he cut a short bow. "Good morning, MIster and MIssus Granger, young Hermione. I've been asked to look out for you. The rest of your party is up ahead in the fifth carriage." He then pointed out the carriage which had sgtudents hanging out of the windows and waving in their direction.

"Who? Who..." went Dan.

"Who asked me, Mister Granger? That would be Madame Bones, who had been standing herewaiting for your arrival. She got called away and ordered, er, rather she asked me to keep a watch for you three and described you very well, very well indeed. Better get a push on, The Special waits for neither man, mage or witch."

"Thank you!" went Hermione. "Come, Mom and Dad! We don't have long before the train pulls out."

As they approached the carriage through the shifting crowd, they spotted familiar faces hanging out of the door and windows of a compartment who waved in thier idrection, drawing the attention of the adults talking to them.

Hermione dragged the cart to a halt and then shifted to a formal stance, followed by a short bow. "Good morning, Dowager Longbogttom, Lord and Lady Greengrass, Mister and Missus Abbott. My apologies for almost being later. We hadn't anticipated the traffic in getting here."

Dowager Longbottom dismissed the apology with a wave. "Better to be almost tardy rather than being tardy, my dear. Neville, would you be so good a to get Miss Granger's trunk into the compartment and properly stowed. Harald darling, you might help them as well."

The two lads in question opened the door and jumped down to the platform and immediately took the handles on opposite ends of the trunk, boosted it off of the casrd unto the ground. Neville immediately pulled out his wand and cast a "wingardiam Leviosa" on the trunk and the two pushed it into position in front of the door and then into the compartment. The two then climbed back into the compartment and then the trunk disappeared somewhere in the compartment and the boys reappeared and reached their hands down to help boose Hermione into the compartment and then closed the door.

All three then hung out the window, when Hermione suddenly realized that the Dursleys weren't there and nudged Harry, "where are your folks?" Harald looked at her and shrugged.

"They didn't want to fail on trying to get through the gate to the platform, so we said good-bye outside. Looks like you figured it out."

"Yeah, it was me channeling my magic to go through the gate while they hung on and believed in me."

"I'll remember that for the next trip. Thanks!"

They all waved to everyone on the platform who waved back, as the Hogwarts Special blew its whistle in one long blast, followed by two more. The conductor bellowed fom his end of the platform before boarding the last carriage, "Hogwarts Special is now leaving, on a direct run to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts. All students are to be on board. Once outside of the platform, do not extend your heads or arms outside of the compartment! All aboard!"

Another long blast on the whislte was accompanied by a chuffing sound as the drive wheels of the locomotive spun as they tried to grab traction on the platform. with a mighty rattle of on the connectors, the train started moving forward, taking up the slack in the connectors between carriages, and each carriage gave a jerk as it started forward.

At that moment, a family groups burst through the gate unto the platform, charging up to the last compartment door, lofting a trunk inside of the compartment without care of its occupants and a boy giving a quick hug to his mother and waves to everyone else as he ran along side of the carriage in its slow progress along the platform as the train moved forward, picking up speed with each "chuff!" from the locomotive. The boy clambered into the compartment and then slammed the door and leaned out and waved at everyone.

Hermione, Neville and Harald looked at the parents who were looking back along the platform. Neville shouted "who is that, Gran?"

Dowager Longbottom was betwen to the response by Greengrass's exaperated snort and shout "Weasleys. Never have known any of them to actually be on time. Hey! All of you, get your heads and hands back into the compartment! Safe journey!"

The other parents echoed the last remark as they waved at their children as the train exited the station, and picked up a bit more speed on its nine-hour trip to Hogwarts. As the youngsters watched, the parents were still waving as the train rounded a bend and the platform disappeared into the distance.

 _ **Comments and suggestions are always welcomed, but make sure that you are logged in when posting it.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

An apology to everyone expecting regular updates. First excuse is that I generally work in spurts and usually for just one story. The second excuse is that I seem to have a massive case of writer's block whenever I pick up my laptop and want to do some grinding out. May be the location of being surrounded by everyone wanting my time or me not being on the laptop.

I also encourage reviews and discussion of points, even suggestions of plot elements. However, I really ask that you post your review after logging in so that I can reply to you. The use of "guest" reviews (even if you put in your login id) will generally get tossed in the digital garbage bin. I've been trolled one too many times.

If you like this story, might I suggest taking a look at my other stories, which are mostly Harry Potter or Ranma 1/2 stories, with a few other stories thrown in for good measure, such as the "A Certain ... Railgun" series. Please read and review. BTW, my getting Japanese names or the Academy City characters straight is something some people complain about. However, not going to rewrite the stories to correct names; so you have been warned.

Actually, I just bumped into a story "You Know I Believe In Love " by uragaaru, it's chapter 3 ("Bent Desires") that has Ranma at home by himself with everyone else out of the house, permitting him to partake in his hidden desires with no one to disturb him or to call him a pervert (like Akane). Everything falls apart when Akane comes home unannounced and finds Ranma in the dojo en femme and ... Well, you'll just have to read the chapter to find out what happens.

 _ **\- Well, another school year off to a roaring start - -**_

Harry, Hermione and Neville flopped down in the rearward-facing seat and looked at their travelling companions: Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, Daphne Greegrass and Tracey Davis.

Harry stood up and grabbed the strap on the window and then pulled it up until the window closed and latched, then sat back down.

He'd just leaned forward and glanced at each of his carriage-mates, when the door slide aside and a blonde-haired student stepped inside, sneering at Daphne. "I thought that I'd find you elsewhere, Greengrass, not hanging out with this gaggle of light geese."

Daphne sniffed. "I should have expected to see you ignoring proper manners, Malfoy," she said and Malfoy just shrugged.

"Everyone, for those of you who don't know better or don't know their betters, let me introduce Draco Malfoy, scion of the House Malfoy. Malfoy, these are the Lord Longbottom who has not yet reached his majority, Miss Susan Bones of House Bones, Miss Hannah Abbott of House Abbott, Mister Harald Evanson and Miss Hermione Granger, both of whom are without Houses to claim descent from. Now that you have been formally introduced, Malfoy, what is your business here?"

Malfoy did a quick imitation of a guppy fish while he gathered himself. "None of your business, Greengrass! You obviously are more interested in entertaining yourself with your social inferiors like blood traitors and people with no blood purity."

Draco stepped back through the doorway and then attempted to slam the door, catching his rob in the frame and then fumbling with the door to get it opened, dragging his robes out through the gap and then slamming the door. A muffled voice came through the silence: "Draco, is Harry Potter there?"

"NO, he's not! Come on, let's check the other compartments and carriages."

Their foot steps proceeded down the carriage, accompanied by shouted comments from the residents of the other compartments who had overheard the original conversation.

"Well!," went Daphne. "Welcome to the wonders of Magical Britain, where bigots run amock."

The others stared at her.

"Draco is of the blood purist and dark side of society, which goes a lot to explaining his lack of social graces. Now, my family is of the neutral side of blood purity as well as the light-versus-dark side of things. Now, I know that there's something going on with Harald and no one is explaining that or cannot, so I'm just going to have to hang around with you guys until I figure out what it is or I take an Unbreakable Vow not to talk about it. Any questions?"

Hermione lifted a hand then snatched it back. "Sorry, habit from school. What house do you think Malfoy's going to be sorted into?"

Daphne sighed. "Based upon his family history, it's a dead certainty that it'll be Slytherin." She sighed again. "Sad to say, I'm probably going to be in the same house. Greengrasses wind up in Slytherin with great regularity."

Herminone's hand almost popped up again and then she gripped her knees to prevent the previous gesture. "IS there any way of influencing the sorting? I mean, there's nothing in 'Hogwarts: A History' that indicates just how the sorting is done."

Everyone except Harald started snickering. Daphne looked at them and got shrugs from the thresome. "Actually, it looks like you all asked the same question and got the same deadening silence and snickers from your respective families?"

Three sets of heads nodded. Neville stuck his finger into the air. "My Uncle Algernon, who's a Unspeakable in the Ministry of Magic, tried telling me that I have to wrestle a troll and I'd get my choice if I won; otherwise, it's the decision of the troll. He almost had me when my Grandmother Augusta started snickering and then proceeded to roll on the couch laughing. All I found out is that it does not hurt and the decision is made for the best house that would suit you. Gryffindor for me. Home of the Brave even if I'm not."

Hanna and Susan tried speaking at the same time and getting at cross-purposes with each other, then stopped and nodded at each other, then counted down and looked straight at Daphne and went "Hufflepuff".

Daphne smirked at the two. "Spoken like the true duffers that you are."

Hannah and Susan looked shocked and glared at Daphne. "Snake," they said in unison with Neville.

Harry stood up and stepped into the middle of the compartment. "Hang on, everyone! Before this devolves into a riot and all sorts of hurt feeling, what is going on?" Everyone except Hermione looked sheepish.

Neville stood up and looked at everyone. "House politics and rivalries, Harald. You've got generations of strife and competition at Hogwarts, so things tend to get fixed in stone, especially for outsiders like you and Hermione. I don't think that anyone here means the slurs and insults are intended to hurt anyhone else; but, yes, words and slurs do hurt."

A knock came from the door and Neville stepped over to the door and pulled it open, and said "yes?"

A group of about a half-dozen young landies were standing in the carriage's corridor, looking embarassed. One stepped forward and said, "I, um, WE, were wondering if Harry Potter might be in this compartment. Is he?"

Neville step up to the dcoorway and looked up and down the corridor, and spotted that there were other clumps of eleven-year-olds spotted all up and down the corridor, all looking embarassed and curios and hopeful at the same time.

"And is there a specific reason why you're looking in this compartment?" he asked the group standing outside of the door.

One of the other girls, an obvious candidate for being sorted into Gryffindor, stepped up and did a quick look inside, focussing on each person's face. "Well, you see, there's a rumour going around that Harry Potter is on the train, but noone's seen him."

Harald slipped up beside Neville and took a good look at the group, and then looked up and down the corridor, taking in the clumps of students trying to look discreetly unobvious or just plainly paying attention.

"Interesting. And how would you recognize him when you did see him?"

"Well, um, well, anyway..." went the first girl until the second one stepped forard, holding up the latest Harry Potter novel with its brilliantly-colored cover picture showing the title character riging a broom and being chased by a flame-breathing dragon. "This is supposed to be a picture of Harry. He's got a lightning-shaped scar over his right eyebrow, has black hair that's always mussed, and has glasses."

Harry took a good look at the pciture, then gently pulled the book out of her hands and showed it to Hermione, then passed it back. "You know that this is a work of fiction, and that no one has actually seen Harry in years?"

The group all looked disappointed and nodded. Harald couldn't resist twisting the knife in a bit further and twisting it. "Come to think of it, does anyone in this compartment have any of the features that you've looking for? I'll admit that I may be the closed, as I'm named Harald Evanson, spelled H-A-R-A-L-D but no one here has black unruly hair nor does anyone here wear glasses. Come to think of it, Neville, what's to stop the real Harry Potter from using some sort of diguise, say Polyjuice so he'd be disguised as someone else. Heck, Neville, maybe he's a crossdresser or transvestite, so he'd be looking like a girl, any girl in fact. You know, maybe he's polyjuiced himself as a girl and is blending in with all the fan-girls, winding them up even further and laughing all the time. What do you think, Hermione?"

Hermione glared at Harald. "I think that you're being cruel pulling a prank like that. What do you think will happen when the real Harry Potter puts in an appearance? The fan-girls will want their pound of flesh, each, and he'll get hexed to within an inch of his life, evenif he's not disguised as a girl. Probably better to him to stay in his disguise for the next seven years and just blend into the background. ESPECIALLY if he's disguised as a girl at the moment. Come to think of it, anyone got some female polyjuice and we can get Harry back for this stupid stunt, especailly if we time it right and it's 'that ime of the month'..."

The other girls in the compartment as well as the group in the corridor looked shocked and then started snickering. Daphne chimed in, "yes, Hermione, let's find the girl with the biggest , um, chest and give Harry a real feel for the diguise."

Hermione stood and stepped up beside Harald and Neville. "Sorry, girls, but the only guys in this compartment are the two pranksters that you see her. You might want to mentiond to the other groups that you run into..." and then leaning out into the corroidor and pointedly looking at the other groups stnading around, "that there's no Potter in this compartment."

She then placed a piece of parchment on the window of the door and said "notificus stickum" and tapping the shet with her wand.

The parchment read,

"Private Compartment, occupants are

H. Abbott

S. Bones

H. Evanson

H. Granger

D. Greengrass

N. Longbottom

Harry Potter is not here"

Hermione smiled at the fan-girls and said, "sorry but we were engaged in a serious discussion amongst ourselves on which house we wanted to be sorted into. So, if you'll excuse us... Good bye!"

She pulled Harald and Neville back inside the compartment and pulled the door closed.

The fan-girls looked at each other and several went "humpf!" and the first chimed in with "well, someone has no problem hiding her wand. Who does she thik she is? Come on, let check out the other carriages. Harry hs to be somewhere here."

As they heading down the corridor past the other gorups who were shuffling forward to read the notice, the seond member chimed in with "maybe Harry does want some privacy and could be using polyjuice."

The first one quipped back with a sarcastic tone, "yes, and is crossdressing as the one with the brown bushy hair."

The resulting sqawk and sounds of someone being tackled to the floor of the compartment had the first one laughing as she followed the other members of her party down the corridor.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's notes…. As always, the original copyright holders retain their rights, and this is intended for the non-commercial enjoyment of the readers. Comments and reviews are always welcome, as long as they bear in mind that I am not a perfect typist, do not always get timelines right, muddle items from manga and anime without regard for canon, and have other personal quirks like my low sense of humour. I plan on staying on the ecchi side of things, but these last few entries are definitely mature in outlook.

An apology to everyone expecting regular updates. First excuse is that I generally work in spurts and usually for just one story. The second excuse is that I seem to have a massive case of writer's block whenever I pick up my laptop and want to do some grinding out. May be the location of being surrounded by everyone wanting my time or me not being on the laptop.

I also encourage reviews and discussion of points, even suggestions of plot elements. However, I really ask that you post your review after logging in so that I can reply to you. The use of "guest" reviews (even if you put in your login id) will generally get tossed in the digital garbage bin. I've been trolled one too many times.

If you like this story, might I suggest taking a look at my other stories, which are mostly Harry Potter or Ranma 1/2 stories, with a few other stories thrown in for good measure, such as the "A Certain ... Railgun" series. Please read and review. BTW, my getting Japanese names or the Academy City characters straight is something some people complain about. However, not going to rewrite the stories to correct names; so you have been warned.

 _ **\- Trying on a new chapeau -**_

Hermione wound up of the floor with Daphne straddling her and holding her hands and wand over her head. "Don't even think about doing something as stupid as that!" panted Daphne.

Hermione but-butteed in reply while Susan reached down and twitched Hermione's wand.

"Daphne's right, Hermione," chimed in Neville. "Drawing a wand on another student in anger is a great way of starting off your academic career with a bang. In your case, it's probably grounds for being expelled, having your want broken, your magic bound and your memories of magic obliviated. Probably your family being obliviated as well."

Susan nodded. "Could be even worse, financial penalties and fines, compensation for damages, all that sort of thing. Been known to totally ruin even the Great Houses, the ones with "Honorable' and 'Ancient' in their family names."

Hermione was now crying in a total flood and Daphne stood up and reached down to assist Hermione up and back into her seat, followed by Susan extending Hermione's wand back to her.

"I…. I…. I'm really sorry, everyone. What she said, it just caused me to see red and I didn't think…" she wailed.

Daphne plopped in Hermione's lap and hugged her, while Hermione wrapped her arms around Daphne and continued crying. Daphne looked at Harald and Neville and flicked her eyes over to the other side of the compartment. They took the hint and Shuffled over, squeezing themselves into the space previously occupied by Daphne, trying hard not to crowd Susan and Hannah too much.

The two responded by standing and then plumping themselves into the nearest male lap. Hannah looked at the two males in question and said, "this is not what you may think it means, just making room. Do anything inappropriate, and you'll be missing your bits. Got it?"

The two males nodded.

Daphne shifted over to let Hermione cry herself out more comfortably, producing a handkerchief for Hermione to use.

"Well, Hermione, I think we all know which house you'd probably wind up in. Gryffindor, Home of the Brave and Act-first-think-later. However, you have friends who will help you, and I hope that includes me."

Everyone else's heads nodded and Hermione nodded hers as well though the flow of tears continued.

A shadow appeared in the glass and a gentle knocking came.

"Oh, crap!" went Harald. "This is so embarrassing."

The door slid back and a red-head stuck his head in and then froze at the tableau in front of him.

 **\- Five minutes and massive apologies later -**

Ron Weasley was sitting on the floor with his back against the door, looking sheepish.

"Okay, I believe you all but it seems totally spooky. Granger got insulted and was drawing her wand, planning on hexing someone into the middle of next week for some anatomical insults about her wand and then her hair, when Greengrass jumps on her and takes her to the floor, followed by Bones disarming Granger. When Granger gets up of the floor, she's crying and asking forgiveness when Greengrass sends Evanson and Longbottom over to the other bench. To make room for the two guys, Abbott and Bones jump unto the closest laps while Greengrass and Granger spread out over this bench so Granger can cry herself out in comfort. That's the moment when I walk by, knock and stick my head in. Yep! Makes perfect sense to me."

Daphne quirked her right eyebrow and slowly said "sure it does, Weasley."

Ron nodded. "You've never lived with my twin brothers. Every time they came home from Hogwarts, there's Mom demanding an explanation for why she'd received another letter on their recent activities… um, pranks they call them. This beats the leaky cold-water showers in the Quiddich locker room story that had them in the shower with the three female members of the Gryffindor team, all naked. Totally innocent, but caught by our mutual older brother, Percy, on his first day as a prefect."

When the laughter died down, Ron looked at Hermione. "Say, Granger, if it's revenge that you're looking for, I can recommend my brothers, Fred and George or as they call themselves, Gred and Forge, to pull some cunning and ingenious plan guaranteed to cause total confusion, chaos and has a chance at reasonably plausible deniability. Or, if you want to wait a year, you can sic my sister Ginerva or Ginny at her. Ginny's Bat-Boogie Hex is the next best thing to an unforgiveable curse – you'll just wish you were dead."

Hermione hiccuped while laughing even harder. Finally gaining control of her breathing, she shook her head. "From what I have seen of pranks and cunning plans, the wizarding world has yet to learn that the simplest plans are always the best and easiest ones to pull off. I am thinking magical pine cones and poop chutes, just the vague impression of pine cones up the poop chute but nothing revealed by looking for charms, hexes or potions."

Ron rubbed his chin. "That's hard, and harsh! Knowing Fred and George, they'd substitute a snitch for the pine cone and have it fly up under her robes during a Quidditch match. How about that, and it won't cost you more than a galleon and the price of a new snitch."

Hermione shook her head. "I think that I'll keep my thoughts to myself and save a galleon and the price of a new snitch. I just have to walk by her in the future and smile at her and laugh. It will drive her crazy trying to figure out what I'm up to and what I've done to her."

Ron looked stricken. "Where's the fun in that, putting together a cunning and convoluted pland and then executing it to perfection. Yours, pardon my reference, is as simple as a hammer to the back of the head."

Hermione smiled. "Sometimes, the simplest plan is best. Less to go wrong and be tracked back to you. Looks like we have a fundamental difference in perspectives, so let's call it even and leave it at that."

Ron nodded and said, "looks like we covered what was going on in here and the fact that Harry Potter is not here" as he tapped the door with his wand before placing it in its pocket. "That leaves the reason why I'm walking the length of the train and specifically entering a compartment that says that Harry Potter is definitely not here. Other than the fact that, possibly Harry is present on the train and is in one form or the cough other of a disguise to hide his exact presence and to avoid the herds of fan-girls and cough fan-boys running through the train. Specifically, it's my three brothers, who are on my case about my grades and interests and what I am planning to do during my studies at Hogwarts and afterwards. Notably not being mentioned is what house they expect me to be sorted into, though they have provided some very vivid imagery of what possible means the Sorting will take. Odds are that they are totally bogus."

"What did draw my attention is the writing that went into the notice. Obviously, hand-written and with probably a Muggle pen of some sort. No splotches or marks of ink scattered around. Who did it, may I ask?"

Hermione's hand went up. "I didn't think that it was that good."

Ron smiled. "It's a whole lot better than any Weasley, not including my sister, could do. Can I ask if you're available for tutoring or have instruction books that I could borrow and practice with?"

Hermione's eyebrows climbed up her large forehead as she placed her hand over hear heart and mouthed "me?" Everyone other than Harald snickered.

Ron lifted his hand and waved it at the snickering magicals. "See? My reputation precedes me wherever I go. He's a Weasley so his handwriting is just this side of illegible."

Daphne stopped snickering and pointed at Rod, then looked around and realized that the other magicals were still snickering. She put her fingers to her lips and whistled loud and hard. "Hang on, everyone! I think that someone is pranking us. There is no way that Ron Weasley could speak so plainly and politely AND INTELLIGENTLY. I mean, he's even offered to take tutoring from Hermione on his writing skills. Quick! Someone check him for polyjuice or disguise charms….. What have you done with the real Ronald Bilius Weasley, and where have you hidden him?"

Ron started diving for his wand and then stopped, then slowly and with exaggerated care, extracted it from his robes and pointed it at the ceiling. "By my magic, I swear that I am the real Ronald Bilius Weasley, of the Burrow, Ottery St. Catchpole, Devon and that I am not under any form of curse, hex or spell. So mote it be. Lumos! Nox!" and his wand glowed at the tip and then went out.

"Yes, I'm lazy and generally try not to sound too intelligent. With five smart and even brilliant brothers ahead of me, all Gryffindors, I've never found my niche of where I can be good, except for chess and Quidditch, where I won't be compared to their exploits or what they've done outside of Hogwarts. So I dumbed myself down and got really lazy, knowing that they'd get frustrated and do most of the tasks that they'd be downloading unto me. Looks like I was too good and no one will believe me if I start showing excellence at anything, especially in Gryffindor."

"So. Anyone have any ideas on how you can get Sorted the way that you want and not the house that your family appears to send all of their children to?"

Everyone else looked across at each other and shrugged.

Hermione straightened up from the wet spot on Daphne's robes, patted it, and then muttered "Lake Hermione. I owe you a new robe or at least getting this one cleaned, Daphne."

Daphne smiled and shook her head, then looked at Ron. "Actually, I don't think that we'd done much more than mentioned where our backgrounds were pointing us magicals, and the others seems to be headed for Gryffindor as the two of them seem to match the general model. We'd recounted asking our families and getting either a cock-and-bull story or the parental pat on the tops of our heads and a 'don't worry your pretty little head' remark. Sounds like it's a big secret and has been for centuries, if not since the founding of Hogwarts. Considering the propensity of magicals going in for overly-complex plans, I'm willing to go out on a limb and say it's something really simple and that the mystery of the event be a surprise and something non-lethal."

Everyone nodded.

Ron looked around and nodded. "Anyone have any ideas on how we're going to get ourselves sorted where we want to be. Come to think of it, has anyone given any thought on where you want to be?"

Harald tilted his head and looked at Ron. "You think that I and Hermione are slated for Gryffindor, just like you and Neville? OK. Stick me in Gryffindor and everyone will be running around with pre-conceived concepts of what I should or should not be behaving. Daphne, how do you see me as a Slytherin?"

Daphne snickered. "Have you ever seen a volcano, up really, really close? Between the light, dark and neutrals, you'd split the house into little itty-bitty pieces, all at each others' throats. No, I haven't figured out who or what you are, and I'm going to stick around until I do, then take the Unbreakable Oaths that everyone but you and Ron have taken. I've seen how everyone seems to be really protective of you but not treating you like a piece of precious glass or something like that. Now, I don't see you in Ravenclaw, either. Much the same effect and you don't seem to be the type that knowledge is everything. Granger, on the other hand, would probably be ideal for Ravenclaw but she's too Gryffindor for that. Longbottom would probably get chewed up and spat out within the first month, same for Abbott and Bones except they're too nice to have the single-minded focus that the house has as a whole. Same for you, Weasley."

Susan looked unhappy. "Which leaves Hufflepuff, home of the duffer."

Daphne glared at Susan. "No. That's not entirely true. The other houses look down on Hufflepuff because the Puffs are smart, hard-working and industrious, and caring for their fellow house-members and not focussed on themselves before anyone else."

Hermione chimed in. "That's true, I've been looking at the overall scores for individual students as well as the houses as a whole. Not looking at house point scores but the exam results. Once you get out of the Top Ten in each year, the majority of Hufflepuff are in the top quarter of each year, and hardly any of them are in the bottom scores, which seems to be reserved to Slytherin and Gryffindor for some reason. Everyone's focussed on who's in the Top Ten and going to be Best Boy and Girl in each house and not where the range of the rest of the house resides."

Ron nodded. "Well, sounds like a good plan. We use the prejudice that the other houses have regarding Hufflepuff against them. Convince whatever it is that does the actual Sorting that we all should be in Hufflepuff. I'm lazy but that means that I don't want to do a lot of hard work when there are other means of accomplishing the tasks to be done. Continuously dumbing yourself down in hard work. Speaking of this topic, Greengrass, are you planning on joining Hufflepuff? Sounds like it."

Daphne look down at her hands, then looked up with a resolute expression. "My family and friends are totally going to flip, but I'm in. Crazy and cunning as it sounds, I'm in."

Harald shifted Hannah off of his lap, then stood up on the seat and reached into his bag that was up in the racks. Digging around a bit, he grabbed something and turned and sat down, placing the object on the floor.

"This sounds like a momentous occasion, one that requires a series toast. Not going to say who slipped it in my bag, but here goes." And tapped his wand on the object, which expanded into a case of a dozen bottles of butterbeer. Popping the caps off of seven bottles, he handed them out to the occupants of the compartment.

Ron raised his bottle high. "Here's to the Hufflepuff Sever, may their enemies never see them coming!"

Everyone else raise their bottles and intoned "the Seven!"


End file.
